Self-Accountability Is The New Flex Sis
There is nothing worse than an adult that never takes accountability for any of their ISH. It's like interacting with a child that never takes responsibility for any of their wrong doings or decisions. Come on give me a logical answer to the reason why you act the way you do and please don't blame your past, your momma or the man that hurt you....
It's so easy to blame others, and the past experiences for your current actions. In life we may go through unpleasant moments where you've felt lack of love, appreciation, and sometimes attention. Those incidents can play apart in the way you navigate through life, if you allow it. For a long time I struggled with accountability. The angry and bitter girl was me. Every situation I encountered in life, my rebuttal would always be hostile or problematic. Looking back now at my reactions to a lot of situations were caused by my past trauma.
My mother was my scapegoat for a long time. I remember seeing all of my friends doing things with their moms like, going to the hair and nail salon, attending mommy and daughter events, planning sweet sixteens and everything in between that a young girl looked forward to with their mom. Attention was an area where she lacked in when it came to me. Having me at an older age, quite frankly she was over kids, and I felt like I got the short end of the stick. Promises were made that were never kept, activities with me were pushed on my cousins and aunts. I remember watching my brother get dressed for the weekends to go with his dad and begging him not to leave me home alone with "sleeping beauty". I would dread watching my mother sleep the Saturday away. The night before she would be out with her friends until after hours and just too tired to entertain me for a Saturday outing. While my brother was out with his dad having fun at places like amusement parks, medieval times and the movies, I was busy watching the neighborhood kids out of my third floor apartment window have the time of their lives, while their moms sat on the porches watching in admiration.
In the years to come I started to blame her for most of my short comings. She was the reason I vied for affection, the reason it was hard to make friends, hell the reason I couldn't keep a relationship. She was the reason for it ALL! Until I started to attend some counseling sessions ( Step 1 in accountability) I needed to sort things out mentally.
Blaming my mother was not the answer. Okay, the things i've experienced was unfortunate, but did I ever stop to realize that maybe my mom had issues she was facing? Day's it was hard for her to get out of bed could've been demons weighing her down, not being fully able to dedicate her time and attention to me may have been causes of depression of some sort.
In any event accountability starts with you. Your ability to reflect on your actions and understand your role within those actions. You are exactly where you are today, due to the decisions that you've taken. My past does not define me. I will not allow how I felt back then to dictate my feelings in the present.
Excuses aren't cute
It's a waste of time and energy to blame others for factors that were most likely caused by your own mishaps. Acknowledge where you went wrong and take action so it won't happen again.
Playing the victim for what sis?
People that play the victim aren't able to handle their own anger. Stop projecting past trauma on the present situation.Regain your power from the trauma and confront the process of healing. The process can be scary and at times will break you down, it will bring up those emotions and events you packed away years ago but it's needed for growth.
Your life is your life
You are in control of your own life. You can’t expect different results by doing the same thing. Sis, every action that you’ve taken up until today is the reason why you’re right where you are tuh-day .You can either have your own pity party or take responsibility for your actions and create the life that you want. We are literally the authors of our own book. How about writing a life that’s fulfilling your wants and needs?
My biggest flex is my new found accountability. I stand tall on my actions and I acknowledge when I'm wrong. I'm apologizing for my actions and my actions only. Im no longer holding my mother accountable. The decisions I've made in life I made them alone. Holding accountability speaks volumes. It shows others that you are aware of self and that sometimes it's not them sis it's YOU.