Have you forgiven yourself for the bad decisions you've made? For the times you didn't believe in yourself, or those bouts of thick depression? If you have, great! If you haven't well sis sorry to say you will never move forward.
It took me sometime to forgive myself of all the mistakes and bad decisions I've made in the past. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made was dropping out of high school. Literally, in my 12th year with 10 credits to go......I gave up. I can remember it like yesterday. Two weeks after my father's funeral with tears in my eyes I sat in front of a camera to pose for my yearbook pictures. The photographer said to me "I know its hard to smile with so much sadness weighing on you". It was that obvious, he saw the trouble and pain in my eyes. Hell, they do say that "the eyes are the windows to your soul" but damn. My tears were at the brink of cascading down my flushed cheeks and the depression was like my Siamese twin, attached at the head. It hugged me like a wool scarf. That day was the moment I surrendered, the last flash of the camera's bulb was the last moment of my high school career.
For years, I never forgave myself for the decision I made. I threw away my senior prom, that proud walk across the stage and anything that screamed, "I've made it ". My inner voice was so critical. I would say things to myself like, "really sis, you threw it all away because you were sad? The one thing your father asked of you, and you couldn't deliver. How weak and pathetic". I carried those voices with me for years. Like heavy baggage. A couple of years later after battling the war with depression and anxiety I began to unpack the unnecessary shit. The regrets, mistakes, self pity, and bad decisions. No longer was being a failure apart of my life story, I went back to school and obtained my diploma. I was able to face what haunted me for years and I forgave myself for that impulsive decision I made on picture day.
Boo, every mistake you make helps improve you as a person. But to make use of the lesson with that mistake, you need to let it go. We are all human and we need to continue with life regardless of the magnitude of whatever decision or mistakes made. Sis, don't punish yourself for what you've done just do better in the future. I'm completely different from that young girl back then. I know now how to deal with my emotions and lean more into my spirituality and my faith. These are my guidelines on how to forgive when I make mistakes.
Focus on your emotions. Give yourself consent to understand, and accept those feelings that triggered you.
Acknowledge the mistake or bad decision out loud. If you put a voice to the thoughts and emotions at heart, you might be able to free yourself from the burdens.
Think of each mistake or bad decision as a learning experience. Look you did the best you could with the tools and knowledge you had at the time. Forgive , learn, and let it go.
What's one of the biggest mistakes that you had to learn to forgive yourself for? How did you get through it?